An Excerpt from: Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder, 1984
O God of beginnings
as your spirit moved
over the face of the deep
on the first day of creation,
move with me now,
in my time of beginnings,
when the air is rain-washed
the bloom is on the bush,
and the world seems fresh
and full of possibilities,
and I feel ready and full.
I tremble on the edge of a maybe,
a first time
a new thing,
a tentative start,
and the wonder of it lays its finger on my lips.
In silence, Lord,
I share now my eagerness
and my uneasiness
about this something different
I would be or do:
and I listen for your leading
to help me separate the light
from the darkness
in the change I seek to shape
and which is shaping me.
Amen.
The day after I arrived in Richmond, VA on August 29, 2021, we were welcomed with this poem by Ted Loder titled, I Tremble on the Edge of Maybe. Leaving my job and former life in Florida was a huge step for me. I had doubts a few days leading up to the flight…I almost said no… The undeniable wonder of [this unknown] laid its finger on my lips, quieting my hesitation. It whispered promises of treasure ahead and I agreed.
In silence, Lord,
In silence and often times in darkness we find ourselves seeking eagerly and anxiously and uneasily for the unknown tasks we deeply know are essential to understanding the meaning of life, God, our truest selves, others, love, Joy and every other critical piece that makes us whole.
I share now my eagerness
and my uneasiness
about this something different
I would be or do:
and I listen for your leading
to help me separate the light
from the darkness
The journey of seeking what is outside the normal involves so much darkness. Darkness has a way of swallowing light. But light always prevails.
in the change I seek to shape
and which is shaping me.
The journey involves the continuous task of eagerly listening and distinguishing. Oh what a task.