(Deep Shower Thoughts)
I wish everyone could realize all their wealth and fame So that they could see that it’s not Where they’ll find their sense of completion.
Jim Carrey
I had just emailed the president of the company I spend my time at, thanking him for a great week at work and telling him how much I appreciate working at his company. And then later on in the shower, I had a realization of why I did that.
I do not care whether or not I had this job. Let me explain. If I were to get fired or let go, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. It’s lack there of wouldn’t define me. I am not a slave to the work. The email I sent to the president of this company that I work at came from a place of appreciation of the valuable work that I do. The value that I bring I myself finally recognize and it’s not based on output. I feel satisfied with the time that I spend developing and only as a result, use my gifts and talents for the growth of this company.
Something, my company may or may not know is that I’m also there for selfish reasons. I am soaking up every bit of experience, advice standards, procedures, best practices, wisdom, real life as I possibly can from every human there so that one day I could also build the enterprise that’s waiting for me to build. And so I don’t just show up clock in do my time like a present sentence to then leave and do it again. I create from 5 to 9 right after my 9 to 5. I sail right after work sometimes and my life is good.
More to come in a different blog post on what it means to be an engineer having left engineering, went to education to then return back to it. But what I can say? It only took several months of unemployment, mindless applications, and the current presidential administration to desensitize me of marrying a job to my identify. Quite frankly when I was applying to my current job, I didn’t give a fuck whether or not they hired me. I was so fed up with the state of things that I passed the point of idealism. I could no longer produce any more false hope. Of course I’m very thankful about my job because it has given me much fruit since joining (…again, remember my selfish motives?).
Circling back to my point; I’m excited to report that I have come to a place (for what feels like more than the first time) where I recognize that it’s not where I’ll find my completion. I know I meant for more, but I know I’ll have to keep looking for it in less obvious places. My big and lofty pursuits now seem like mirror images of the pursuits of people I don’t give a fuck about. It’s time for me to look deeper.
Cheers!